| when it's taken too far. |
[Dec. 5th, 2009|11:19 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  sad | ] |
there's been too many tears around the office recently.
too many broken hearts that were once burning with passion.
too many broken dreams that had wings but are falling to pieces.
too many love that are turning into hate.
too many masks that are becoming real.
i witnessed an outcry in the office just the other day.
for a place that brings much entertainment to people out there.
it's way to depressing internally.
i don't know how could one's happiness and success be built upon others' misery and shame.
you've taken it too far.
you should learn to let go.
fallen faith.
57days. |
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| flash forward.flash back.flash forward. |
[Dec. 1st, 2009|01:15 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  pleased | ] |
62days.
it's 62days and counting. it really is almost there. but i'm having flash backs.
although you may slap me upon reading this.
but i do think that i will miss the hecticness, the 7days/12 hrs, the craziness.
i really think that i might.
but don't worry. i am still leaving.
i have 5 colleagues joining me too.
nice. |
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| MC vs Work. |
[Nov. 23rd, 2009|10:43 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  giddy | ] |
MC.
i have not taken MC in 5months.
it's time.
not that i really care about the job right?
it's a super random entry.
69days.
yes.
we have "6" in front now. |
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| backstabbers. |
[Nov. 19th, 2009|11:37 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  pissed off | ] |
seriously. sometimes you wonder why the hell do you work so farking hard for and in the end all you get is shit.
i have learnt not to play nice.
it's stupid to be nice.at work.
never.
backstabber.
kill yourself.
72days. |
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| 80 days. |
[Nov. 14th, 2009|10:51 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | cold | ] |
my mom asks me every single day. when are you gona leave. i say i don't know and i count the days remaining.
80days.
man. really? |
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| The White Envelope. |
[Oct. 27th, 2009|12:31 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  crushed | ] |
yes many say that it's easy to say quit. but after that what happens. i thought i got my thoughts all packed up when i went back to work on sunday. i wrote my letter. i printed it. signed it. sealed it. now it's just sitting in my drawer. i was really close to throwing it in. even though right now my mind is pretty set on leaving. i don't know why my body is not reacting to it. my hand is not grabbing the letter and putting it on my boss's desk. i said i hate to leave. not coz i love my job (please la!) but coz i'm only left with 3 mths to go. it upsets me to have come this far just to give it up. it sucks that i'm pushed into the corner to do this. when i don't want to..i really don't. but i am gasping for breath. I AM. did i mentioned that i cried in front of my producer today during recce. seriously loser. but seriously i couldnt control. i was dead tired. i am dead tired. i would NEVER show my weaknesses at work. when the last witch screwed my life i wasn't even like that. it just proves. isn't it. i'm maxed out. i'm literally working 7days, 12hrs a day. God. please. save. me.
i am collapsing.
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| c.u.t. |
[Oct. 17th, 2009|03:17 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  exhausted | ] |
have i mentioned that i hate my job? yes and i abhor it now. that's double the hate. have i mentioned that i've been taken out of my 180eps project that i have been working hard for 8mths IMMEDIATELY to take on another project that i have no clue of. have i mentioned that since last mon, despite my illness and exhaustion i have been working on weekends and off day, bringing producers to survey locations when i have not a sec to go find the locations first. have i mentioned that i've been rushing like mad that i don't know what i am doing at all. have i mentioned that i'm at the brink of collapsing. have i mentioned that i cried in front of my boss with the chinese drama team knowing it in a split sec. have i mentioned that i cried in the office toilet. have i mentioned that i cried after a crazy day at work once i unlock the door at home and never stopped. have i mentioned that when i was at ecp last night with my group of colleagues and wanted to walk right into the waters. have i mentioned i wana quit. yes a thousand million times. 3 more months and i'm done. but only if i could crawl till then.
i knew i wanted to challenge myself. but i can't do this anymore.
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| Another 100 years. |
[Sep. 13th, 2009|10:39 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | grateful | ] |
080909.
it's been a special birthday. not just for the numbers that made up the day. but of course the love my friends and family has shown me. the gifts. the laughter. and just for the fact that my birthday is remembered. thank you all. it's been fun. i appreciate it *wink*. peace.
 the peeps @ holland village. 09.09.09. The Birthday.
buffett lunch with mom @ Hotel Rendevous.
13.09.09
the vanities.
another 100 years till it'll come again.
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| but thank God.... |
[Sep. 1st, 2009|12:14 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  okay | ] |
there're some things that reminds of love...
from left: fadilla, kah yan, yanqi, me.
because it's just.....
i miss my familiar stranger.
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| pain. |
[Aug. 31st, 2009|11:53 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | disappointed | ] |
i've never felt more hurt and pain in my life than i did during the weekends.i heard myself screaming.i felt my breathing was hard.i felt my limbs went numb like i was gona have a stroke.i never felt more lost. than when i found myself walk out of that house. and really not knowing where to go. i felt like a loser. felt awful.very awful. i sobbed at church. sobbed in the shower. sobbed when the word pain came to mind. my eyes hurt. my head was heavy. i couldn't talk. by choice. i am tired. my heart is cold. i am tired. i guess tolerance had a limit. i went past it. and a little is more than i can bear now. i never wanted to hurt. because i know how it feels like. but that night when i locked that door behind me. i teared. because i was upset that things turned out this way. did it have to? memories haunt you. they can trap you. i am trapped.
my sighs have become chronic.
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| maybe it was a stupid mistake. |
[Aug. 16th, 2009|10:27 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | blah | ] |
2 weeks ago i convinced myself that hey i have another 6more months into the contract and i'm farking outa here, so i should stay and try not to be tempted by other jobs out there. " just get this done and over sera, you can do it! finish in feb. hide out in australia and start over." 2 weeks after. i have doubts. i don't know if i made a farking stupid decision to even convince myself thinking i can get past this. it's only psychological. if i get past myself. i can get past this shit. but obviously all the shit reminds me that i can't and don't even wana be in this place and work here ever again. i know people can be vile and nasty. straighforward and a slap in the face. but i just don't feel safe here. when i talk i am weary. i don't know who i can trust. cz apparently people talk here. and i know that ever company has gossipers. i feel like i have to watch my back all the time. a recent movement in the team has suddenly strike my mind in whether this place is even worthy of staying. i mean yea it's good to have help, but decisions without my knowing kinda sets me thinking what does it all mean.
some of them were right. it's 6months not 6days or 6hrs. cz yea 6hrs in this place already almost kills me. needless to say dragging my feet there to start the day. i want to do something more meaningful. i want to start a foundation for kids. give them a voice in the family. cz you know some parents are a pain. not saying that they should go against them. but a place where in a society so depended on materialisms and gadets, kids could actually get their parents to listen to them, know what they feel, how they feel, and ask them how are things going in school, how is that girl you're going after and stuff, know that they hurt, upset, fearful, angry. that sometimes what family does to you affects you. no matter how old you are. you know? cz this world. i think. is not listening anymore.
sometimes i really wish God would appear in front of me with my book of life and show me what there is to it. like sera this is how it will be so just do this and that follow the instructions in this book and you'll be fine. you'll end up in some place good and sound.
yea. if only.
i'm tired of chasing.
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| Happy birthday Shiyun! |
[Aug. 16th, 2009|10:23 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  scared | ] |
160809. Peach Garden @ Thomson Plaza. Dim Sum Buffett.
hope you had fun!
i farking HATE the movie The Orphan. BLOODY PSYCHO! thanks ar ling jun!
i am NEVER watching another horror/terror whatever that ends with "rror" ever again!
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| HAPPY BIRTHDAY KAREN! |
[Aug. 16th, 2009|02:13 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  calm | ] |
first. i'm sorry i dint text you on 12th. :( dint mean to! forgive me?
2nd. hope you liked the moscato *wink*
cute!
by the way. karen and candy. we.have.not.hung.out.in.a.while. |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 15th, 2009|12:21 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  bouncy | ] |
the sweetest pixar picture yet.
i had a jamming session with my cous n his band mate this evening. cool. |
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| TIOMAN. |
[Aug. 14th, 2009|02:13 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | chipper | ] |
8 August 2009. TIoman Escapade. I'll let the pics do the talking.
Day 1: Checking in, beach, dinner, beach bar
Day 2: Breakfast, snorkelling, spa, beach, exploring, dinner, supper
Day 3: breakfast, check out
There's a lot more pics. 300 over to be exact. but i can't put them all up. Tioman trip was a mixture of emotions.
the beach was great,relaxing and windy. the snorkelling was fun but if the waters weren't that choppy, the spa was awesome if was longer, the buffetts were pretty awesome if it was a tad cheaper, the seafood supper although it wasn't that awesome but i do kinda miss our late night spicy fried sotong and tom yam soup. we also invaded another villa cz we were jealous of how gorgeous it is. so i guess the trip was pretty good 'cept for the boring journey back and forth.
i guess i could say that i like the trip on a 90% rating. hahahaha
i want another beach getaway!
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| the breaths in between. |
[Jul. 24th, 2009|11:17 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | bored | ] |
all in a few weeks. all under one breath.
ok yes i know i've been lazy blogging. that's coz i only got to connecting my E71 with my mac so yea. *do not judge!
anyway. i've been meeting up with a couple of peeps lately.
there was my cousie russ's birthday at i forgot where but awesome and freaking cheap food! at Gillman village btw.
there was our Lit Up! event. our proj actually got materialized! like omg hahahah but oh well does nth great to us in any other ways.
there was meeting Alan for his long-awaited treat. hahaha take care alannnnnnnnn!!!
and then there was my grandma making ketuput (is that how you spell??) into a duck. so cuteeeeeee. * do not misjudge an old lady.
and mom buying a goodie hamper like damn it. is was some GOODIE bag.
and there was also me buying my TICKET TO TIOMAN!!!! i'm coming! pls wait for me tioman! National Day and goobyes.
oh and there was the awesome spyder from Lamborgini. it's ta ma de gorgeous!!!! one of my sponsor la. damn i want to drive it home!
so yea. i'm chilling these days. but no people. my job is not slack and it is STILL not awesome. do not be conceived by my nua-ness at the moment. it's only soooooo temporary. and i really can't bring myself to doing it again. exhausting shit.
and there's an opening in radio. but it's just an admin job. and yes i always said i wanted to go radio. but it is an ADMIN job leh. shld i?
and then 4colleagues have resigned and will leave end of august. that meaning my mentor as well. so i am stuck with a fucked up and cursed 180episode show. it is cursed you noe? so many shit happened.
so there you go. a month's worth of precious memories and crap in a nutshell. enjoy.
tioman. my escape.
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| Heroes or not. |
[Jul. 10th, 2009|10:48 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | ecstatic | ] |
Thursday 020709
when transformers first came out. i was like oh well another boring robot movie.
then one day i found the dvd at home and decided to watch it cz i had nothing better to do.
and optimus prime. became my new found hero.
this time round.
besides megan fox one-look acting and josh duhamel reminding me he's married.
i still freaking love it.
wednesday 080709
i reached work at 1030am and left work at 1.30pm.
took a nap at home. watched ice age 3 (it is quite cute really) at 6pm.
did it again on friday.
people ask me where on earth can you find a job that lets you do that.
probably none.
but. i still don't love it.
i want to go tioman or bintan.
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| Michael Jackson. |
[Jun. 26th, 2009|10:54 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | crushed | ] |
goodbye.
heal the world. make it a better place.
for you and for me and the entire human race.
there are people dying. if you care enough for the living.
make it a better place for you and for me.
i may not be your biggest fan. but i know you did make the world a better place.
this is my favourite song of yours michael.
hope you're finally happy at your neverland now.
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| untitled. |
[Jun. 23rd, 2009|12:04 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | blah | ] |
i like my new dress. =)
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saysera's journal
